So the other day I watched Titanic (in 3D!) with my sister. It’s been years since I’ve watched it, and it was rather odd watching Jack and Rose’s romance unfold, all the while feeling sort of like I’m watching some high school chick flick. When I was 14, Jack and Rose were definitely adults, and of course, Leonardo DiCaprio was the hottest thing alive. At 29, they kind of look (and act) like kids. Not really, but sort of. And if I were to decide to drool over Leo in Titanic at this point in my life, I would certainly feel like a bit of a creeper.
But anywho...
One part of the movie that I definitely appreciated more as an adult than as a teen was the concept of Rose’s being trapped by her society and her obligations, and how Jack comes along and frees her from it all, if just for a few days. Half my life ago I don’t think I really knew what it felt like to be trapped by other people’s expectations, at this point in my life I certainly do. (Now one could argue that Jack’s brand of “freedom” is not the healthiest out there, but that’s not the point I’m trying to make here.)
Later on I was mentally comparing the movie to another James Cameron epic, Avatar, and I realized that the two movies have that theme in common. Both are a love story, but also a story in which one character frees the other from something. In Avatar, Neytiri frees Jake from the cynicism that he’s had to develop living on Earth; she shows him to really live again.
And I found myself thinking about how many movies have this theme, where a character- often a free-spirited, rule-breaking character- comes along and frees another character or group from some sort of tyranny. I think of The Matrix, and Chocolat, and even Aladdin. I’ve even written stories of my own with that sort of theme; my short story The Piper is all about a character who comes along and frees a few others. And, of course, The Piper is an allegory of the story of Jesus Christ, who rebelled against the expectations of the religious people of his day, and whose mission was to set people free- not just from sin, but also from legalism and guilt and drudgery.
But in all this, I found myself asking a very interesting question of myself: Am I the sort of person who sets others free? Or am I one to imprison others?
I’ve recently been realizing the danger of putting unhealthy expectations on others. Of course there are some expectations that are good and necessary- I expect my friends not to blab my secrets, I expect my husband to stay faithful and to do his part in our marriage, I expect my bosses to treat their employees fairly. When I have kids I’ll expect them to listen to their parents and learn kindness and fairness. But then there are the other sorts of expectations, where we try to create another in our image, try to get them to fit the mold of what we think a friend or spouse or child should be. We decide that our friends should be more spiritual, or our spouse should have better manners or want to spend more time with us, or that our kids should be interested in the hobbies we had at their age. And so we push them to be what we want them to be, to fit the image we’ve created for them.
And in doing this, we are not setting them free. We are imprisoning them.
What if I were to completely release others to be themselves? What if I were to let others grow at their own pace, allow them to come to terms with life in the way that they will, instead of trying to get them to be what I think they should be? What if I could be one of those characters in the drama of life who comes along and frees another character, instead of shackling them with my expectations? What if I were to trust God with those around me, instead of trying to change them myself?
What if I were to stop fighting for control of others, and start fighting for their freedom?
I think that doing this might be a very good thing indeed.
What do you think?
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