Sometimes life's happenings make me wax philosophical.
This time around, it was a combination of several things, one being something very large (that is, the shooting in Aurora), and another being something fairly small (having my computer get a terrible virus, almost getting scammed in the process, and having to reinstall everything!), as well as some others which I will not get into. Regardless of how it happened, today I find myself trying to figure out just how one is supposed to live in this world.
When I look around, it is easy to see so much pain, so much darkness. I think of the shooting. I think of the girl in my youth group who just lost her mom to cancer. I think of the family I know whose relative was the victim of an absolutely horrific crime, and of the person I know who has committed a crime that I have yet to be able to wrap my mind around. I think of the friend of mine whose marriage is on the rocks, and of the loved one who has been injured in a way that makes normal existence difficult. I think of several friends of mine who have survived abusive situations, both in childhood and marriage. I see pain.
and yet...
And yet every day I see beauty. I see sunrises and thunderstorms. I hear laughter and engage in ridiculous, fun conversations on facebook and eat incredible food. I see God working in and through the pain of the people I love. I hear epic stories and listen to music that makes me want to burst and watch movies that inspire me. I spend an evening with the man I love or an afternoon drinking tea with a friend. I feel... love. Loved.
There is great darkness in the world... and yet, also, great beauty.
My faith helps me understand this paradox to some degree. If I am to look at this life as, as John Eldredge puts it, a "batlle for the heart", with both God and the devil working through events to either draw us to God or push us away from him, then these things make some sense. I find comfort in believing that there is a grand scheme, a greater story.
And yet I still struggle with knowing how to live in such a world. Be as wise as serpents and innocent as doves, Jesus once said. But what does that look like? Children are wild and free and fearless and fierce, and this is beautiful and I want to be these things. And yet, most children are this way because of their naivete.
How can one be soft in a world that loves to remind you, over and over, just how cruel it can be? And how can one be hardened in a world brimming with beauty and life?
How does one trust others when humanity can be so dark? Or should one trust them at all? Is it best to live in cynicism, believing that everyone is out to get us, and thus never truly letting people close? Or should we instead let everyone in, and thus open ourselves up to heartache and betrayal, over and over?
How does one stay open to the glorious beauty of this life while also acknowledging its deep, dark pain?
Thoughts, anyone?
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